If life hands you lemons Take them

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A priest, a Rabi, and a Monk walk out of the bar and go home.

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your all shit at jokes

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An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar. I observed this from outside and therefore have no idea as to any of the sequence of events that occurred once they had entered the bar and disappeared from my line of sight.

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Whats the difference between two flies? Nothing, they're both flies.

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What do you call a school bus full of black people? Not a school bus

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Bill is walking down the street when a girl who had a crush on him 20 years ago sees him, goes up to him, and says, "I think I know you, what is your name?". Bill says, "Timmy," and keeps walking because he is an asshole.

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How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

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So, a blind man walks into a bar with assistance from his friend. He orders a drink and the bartender complies. He then spills his drunk and then slips in it. He lays on the floor, his head hurting. He cries, knowing he never should've tried to stare at the sun for ten seconds.

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How Many Friends Did The Ginger Kid Have? None.

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What's worse then listening to Nickleback? The Holo- On second thought, nothing.

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is this love , is this love , is this love , that im feeling , no bob im afraid its cancer.

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whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? i dont have a ferrari in my garage

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Q.)What did the man say to the toilet A.) Hi Jon

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Ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Popsicle!

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Why was six afraid of seven? A: He just does.

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Whats the difference between Justin Beiber and Polio? Polio was cured.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I need some money.

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hi bye

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Why are african american people better than caucasian people at sports like basketball? Because african american people have more high-twitch muscle fibers. Which allow them to perform Explosion type movements better than caucasian people.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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