What did the german speech therapist say to his mute patient? There a few methods we can use to help you obtain the power of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock Knock Knockin on heavens door..

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yolo is for losers, I have 9 lives...meow

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's sad about a mexican man dying in a car crash? He had a family that loved and cared for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall again? Because somebody put her back on. Why wasn't she able to hug her dad? Because she has no dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? So YOU'RE the one!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your momma is so old, it is likely that she will pass away in the near future, and I would recommend you to spend some quality time with her.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two girls are backpacking in the Sierra Nevada. They walk 8 km from their base camp at a bearing of 42 degrees. After lunch, they document the wildlife they have seen because they are tracking the populations of species native to the area. Then they continue on their hike, but this time at a bearing of 127 degrees. After 5 km, they reach their destination for the day and set up a temporary camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the best way to make people notice you? Begin a cult that follows some crazy religious division and go on mass murdering sprees, looting, murdering, and raping everything that moves. Your prime targets should be schools, orphanages, and hospitals (maternity wards for bonus points). Eventually, walk up to the FBI unarmed and have them capture you. Then demand that you get interviewed, as you have instructed your followers that if you don't get to speak on public television, they will bomb multiple major cities. When they put you on TV, simply stare at the camera and say: "Senpai. The time has finally come for you to notice me." Then, because you are a cruel, heartless bastard with no morals whatsoever, have your men bomb the major cities anyway. Have fun!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo momma so fat that when she sat on the bible jesus poped out.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a something with no limbs? a snake

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Violets are blue, this is stupid, Violets are purple Violets are purple Oranges are orange Nothin' rhymes with orange wait.... DOORHINGE!!!!! -sincerely, That famous Orange on YouTube

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the dog say to the other dog? Ruff, hi, ruff ruff, we are both dogs ruff ruff, ruff ruff, ruff!!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If you'd turn to page 43 you will find the homework. Have a good weekend!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a soldier and a black man? A black man lives a normal life, probably working a full time job to bring income to his family. A soldier has seen his friends killed right before his very eyes, has probably killed, and most likely has night terrors accompanied by the sounds of gunshots and grenades. He will suffer trauma up until he dies of a heart attack in his mid 80's after experiencing a terrifying flashback of life in the war.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the war end? Because one country surrendered. They were getting beat pretty bad, it seemed like the only viable option.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the black man wash his feet? PHOIT!!!! He washed his feet in a bird bath... Too bad his car got thrown off a cliff by a bald eagle with no feathers?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl! I'm sorry,that was just really rude of me. I've been talking to my therapist and I think this insolent behavior came from my dad. I always wanted his approval but he always liked my brother more and blah blah yak yak.....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats the difference between a jew and firewood? Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call an arab with a beard? How cares what his name is just shoot him!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How you know when dislextic

thumb_up thumb_down -17

2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? To rape a duck

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops