Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? Thousands of years of different evolutionary tracks resulting from different climates and available food sources.

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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Q:Where did sally go when the bomb went off? A: Everywhere.

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Why did the computer explode into a million peices? It was thrown off the Empire State building.

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why did the boat sink the captain drove it into a pile of sharp rocks

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A wise man once told me that friends are like cookies. He was a cannibal.

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Yo momma so ugly..... what more do you want

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? He wasn't.

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Q: Whats 5+5 A:10

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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Why was the black man picking cotton? Because he was in an area where slavery is a socially and morally accepted practice.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Why does Tim Teblow love men? Logan Cole told him to.

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where was Billy during the bomb? Every where

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one does, too.

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Why cant the asian find his family? His eyes were too squinty

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops