Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? because 69 was a mouth full:)

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

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how did the black guy get into school? he walked thru the front door.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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what is sticky and brown a black guys stick

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

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How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares? Why would a squirrel need to change a lightbulb?

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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One day little billy was wandering happily through the forest.He then trips and his legs disintegrate

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

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Where did Ben go after being hit by a high speed train? Underneath the train's wheels.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

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What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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Question:Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Answer:Because she had no arms or legs. Question:What did little Susie get for Christmas? Answer: a bike, and cancer Question: what did little Susie get next Christmas? Answer: nothing, she didn't live that long... Knock knock Who's there Not little Susie

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What did the minority say to the white person? Aboobasashagaboogly. He was uneducated, along with the other minorities in the world.

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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If you pull a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? I need a quick answer for this question.

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Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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