A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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Why can cats jump so high? Cats leg muscles are different then ours. They work kind of like springs that build up energy and then release suddenly. Its kind of like a budgie cord. This gives them the ability to jump so high. If humans were built the same way, they could easily jump up on a one-story roof.

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Roses are red violets are blue... Only not really. Actually light is reflected off them and these colors show up soo....

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why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

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What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There's twenty of them.

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What do you call someone like Sarah Palin? A tragic victim of America's flawed educational system. But hey! She learned one thing though! Russia is right in her own backyard! Oh wait that would be wrong unless her backyard stretched all the way across Alaska and the Bering Sea. So she didn't learn anything at all. OK she's just dumb

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Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

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What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

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Myth: Everyone but redheads has a soul. Fact: No one has a soul.

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Knock knock Who's there? To To be continued.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Q:How do you kill an Elephant? A:With an Elephant gun Q:How do you kill a blue Elephant? A:With a blue Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a purple Elephant? A:With a purple Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a red Elephant? A:There is no such thing.

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why was the child crying? because his friend just got hit by a van.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenic, and don't have any friends

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In Soviet Russia, the same thing that happens here, happens there.

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Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

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What do you call a white man without a face? Dead. What do you call a black man without a head? Negger.

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Why did man lay down? His dog ate his genitals.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, it's not that hard.

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The awkward when you didn't actually say moment.

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I rode in to town on an ass... ur momas ass!!

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what did Tim do when he got married? He kissed the bride Mecheoo LOVES ASS

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Prostitution is bad.......

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Jims family is having a picnic. Jim goes and gets his food. shortly after he drops his food. Jim is really sad and goes and gets more food. Jim is black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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