A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. "8?" Asks the bartender, to verify he had heard correctly. He feels unsure of giving the man 12 shots but does so anyways due to his financial situation and he hopes for a generous tip. Afterwards, the man kills 9 people in a car crash due to his level of intoxication and the bartender seeps into depression due to his feeling of guilt.

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What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

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So yesterday i walked into a bar, so what?

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What's the difference between a black person and cancer? If you don't know already, you should really question your countries education system and your parents upbringing.

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Q. The farmer said where's my bucket A. Somewhere

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A man walks into a bar. It's a fine establishment. He orders a couple of beers and takes a cab home like a responsible man would. He is then killed with a croquet mallet.

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Q: What did the air freshener say to the car??? A: Nothing. Air fresheners are inanimate objects

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's? I am twenty one and prefer older ladies as I find them more experienced and mature.

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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Why do people make fun of Laquesha? Because she's white.

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Roses are red, Violets are microwaves, I have amnesia, Roses are red.

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How does Lady Gaga like her meat? Cooked until it reaches an internal temperature of 180 degrees Fahrenheit to lower the risk of contracting diseases such as salmonella.

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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Your momma is such a slut, that she has unprotected sexual intercouse several times throughout any given day, with many different men.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your car repossessed.

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why cant little timmy ski? he was born without legs.

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What's more annoying than dyslexic jokes? Jokes were peopel spel words rong.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

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Why was Hellen Keller blind and deaf? Because she was a girl.

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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Q: Why did the baby cry when it came out of the moms stomach? A: The doctor dropped it!

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what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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