A man walks into a bar He is now in the emergency room suffering from deep lacerations to the forehead as well as a bloody nose.

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Barack Obama. Ok, come on in Mr. President!

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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Q: What do you call a real joke on anti joke A: Someone obviously don't understand the concept of this website

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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Parent: Please, my son have sinned. Please cleanse him from his sins. Priest: Hmmm, it may be hard to cleanse him from his demons. You may leave him in my car today. We shall enter the dark chambers where we will battle your demons Parent: Thankyou Priest: Alone, in the dark. It will be painful for him, but he shall be cleansed *wink* Parent: whut?

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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There is a wizard standing on a street corner. A boy walks up to the wizard and says, "Can you turn invisible?" The wizard replies, "Oh, I'm not a wizard. I'm a hobo with a long beard and a bathrobe." The hobo then proceeded to begging the boy for money.

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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What do you call a fly with no wings? Disabled

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? Because it was summer and the grass had extensive growth, so much so, that it proceeded to spread to his neighbors yard. His neighbor then called HOA, and thus, the unruly grass was taken care of.

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What's worst then a road kill? Multiple road kils.

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What is the difference between john madsen and a gay person. There isn't because john is gay

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1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

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what do a toothbrush and an ice maker have in common? ....They're both in your house.

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What is the weirdest way to get AIDS Having Sex

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Do you know what the worst part about inbreeding is? - It's runs in the family!

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how do you crash a party? You dont because that would be rude.

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Why does Magic Johnson have to use extra-large condoms? Because he's got a giant dick and HIV.

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"HEY DUMB FU** THIS STUFF IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!" SAID SIMON COWELL!!!

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She loves me, she dosn't love me, she loves me, the girl walks up to the man and says, she doesn't love me

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roses are red violets are blue this verse doesn't ryhme and neither does this one

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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