We were hooking up and her mom walked in, i stood up, apologized and left

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's brown and sticky? Brown paint.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -3

knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If you were an octopus what would you? Say "I an octopus".

thumb_up thumb_down -9

GUY 1: Mann, I just got done working out, check out my forearms!!! GUY 2: You only have two silly!!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Laws are initially proposed in Parliament as bills. They become Acts after being approved three times by Parliamentary votes and then receiving Royal Assent from the Governor-General. The majority of bills are promulgated by the government of the day (that is, the party or parties that have a majority in Parliament). It is rare for government bills to be defeated, indeed the first to be defeated in the twentieth century was in 1998. It is also possible for individual MPs to promote their own bills, called member's bills; these are usually put forward by opposition parties, or by MPs who wish to deal with a matter that parties do not take positions on.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Johnny just finished his pie.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

You have three biscuits. Your friend eats two. How many biscuits do you have? A: 3 Your friend is bulemic so he throws them both up, so you still have them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, the lightbulb was never out

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What do you call something round and red that tastes like a tomato and shoots through walls? A Super Tomato. And what do you call a banana that shoots through walls? A banana trying to be a Super Tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why do some RVs have 2 doors? Because 11 would be too many.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What do you pull when it's hailing. Your favorite electronic.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

WHat is the one thing an alcoholic needs everyday? Rehab.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

What's worse than a worm in your apple? People posting the same joke over and over again.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Three men of varying ethnic backgrounds jump off a building and yell different things as they fall to their death. They were all very good friends and neglected to have had a trip sitter watch them take hallucinogenics. The group of school children below the building are traumatized for a good portion of their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did the groom have cold feet? Because his socks were slightly damp resulting in evaporation and the cooling of his feet, as well as the cold weather in December.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops