A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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did you know helen keller had a swingset? neither did she

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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There once was a man from Nantucket, who had his car stolen and wasn't very happy so called the police.

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, Pansies are green, I think I'm colorblind

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What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

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Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

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How do you make a baby stop crying for the rest of its life? Shoot it in the face.

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Can you spot the polar bear Probably not because global warming killed it

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How do you help someone stop drowning You take your foot off the back their head.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you", the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob"

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Why did the officer arrest the black man? Because he suspected him of littering. ...and because he was black.

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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Why did the man have a really short temper? HOW THE **** SHOULD I KNOW???

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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whats in a red suit with a white beard and jolly......st.nick jerking of and blowwing a load in your stocking while taking a shit on you coffee table before theen hanging it back up over the fire place

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Roses are red I got a new phone But no one to text Forever alone

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Idear. What do you call a deer with no legs or no eyes? Still no idear.

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One day... Jack: Good morning Ben: Good morning The End.

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Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

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Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

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Granny porn!

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A girl asks her best friends: Why are you only wearing one earring? The best friends replies: Because I took the other one out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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