Whats worse than stubbing your toe? Sandy hook

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What is black and blue and red all over? My wife.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

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What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit? The bucket and the shit. You're a human being.

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Here's a riddle... A cowboy rides into town on saturday, stays for three days, and leaves on saturday... How does he do it? Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... OH... I'M DONE NOW...

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Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

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What's better than getting second place in the paralympics? Having legs.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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Why did the blonde fail her drug test? She's actually never did drugs before but since she didn't show up for appointment, that counts as an automatic fail.

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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What did the Mexican shoe salesman say to the man? Excuse me, do you whih way to main street?

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Two Pigs are in a bath. One pig says to the other "pass me the soap", to which the other pig replies "Do I look like a typewriter?"

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How did the seal die? It went clubbing ... Then overdosed on ecstasy, it was very sad.

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What do you call a police officer who kills a black person? Innocent

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why did the chicken cross the road............ why dont you tell me smartass

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Umm... Why would it not?

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Q: What did the homeless man say when he was mauled by a bear? A: Ouch.

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how many dumbasses does it take to make a kushagra

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how many mexicas does it take to.... on wait there done

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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A priest a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink

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What's the worst thing about that Black Jew at the Bus Stop? He's taking a bus to go to his mother's funeral.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops