roses are blue violetrs are green im shooting heroine into my head

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Depends on the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

a blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on top of a mountain. they freeze to death and the rescue team discovers their frozen bodies two days later.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red, violetes are red, I'm colorblind

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red Violets are violet the last time i saw this poem i couldn't rhyme no more

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb none, because chickens do not have opposable thumbs,therefore prevents them from preforming such a remedial task.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the boy fall of his bike? Becuase he was hit by a couch.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why do men not get cullulite? Because it's ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I saw a number three walking past me in the street the other day and I thought to my self that's odd.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you do when you see a half-dead black man on the floor? Call an ambulance before he bleeds out causing sepsis.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why was it really gross when the blonde dove into the swimming pool? Because the swimming pool was full of phlegm!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Pooring urine into your eyes, is a natural way to cure pink eye. Found this out this morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the chicken cross the road? When he first entered the world, Chicken was a lonely bird. Nobody else liked him. Not even his mother. He was small and scrawny, and whenever the farmer came to feed the pigs or shear the sheep, he would get scared and hide in between two pieces of wood. One day Chicken woke up and his family was gone. Although they had never loved him, his heart was tender, and he was desperately concerned for them. After hours of searching for them, he overheard Cow speaking to Horse: "It's a tragedy, really. They were such a happy family. But now their off to the land of KFC, forever lost in the sea of chicken wings. But Chicken was determined to change his family's fate. He escaped the barn and ran into the woods. There he traveled day by day, and at night he hid from the hungry wolves. Life in the forest was tough, but no tougher than the loss of loved ones, so he kept going. On and on and on, until the forest ended and the city began. It was a new world to Chicken. He had never seen so many different buildings and contraptions. His eyes had never before held the wonder of the majesty of such a strange place. After traveling through the dangerous alleys of the city, he finally found it: the terrible land of KFC. The place where humans' dreams begin, but chickens' end. The place of horror and death and unfairness. The place that summarized Chicken's whole life. He was here now. The only thing separating him from his family was a road. A road that was so small compared to his previous trials, so incomprehensibly tiny when placed next to the gaping hole in his broken heart. So the chicken crossed the road. Then he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

whats long and black on a black guy slavery

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did the guy get pulled over he had a broken tail light

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a woman who is addicted to crack, has a light mustache and huge saggy tits, has had 4 kids with 4 different fathers and makes her living giving hand-jobs behind the bus station? Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did the 60 year old touch the little boy's penis? because he was a pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what did the boy who liked trucks get for his birthday? POOP

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why is Abraham Lincoln a bad driver? Because he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops