A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. 97

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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Q: Why is asprin white? A: It works.

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Pick a number between 2 and 8. Now multiply that number by 9. Now add the 2 digits of that answer together. (example 18 is 1+8) Now subtract that answer number by 5. Now choose the letter below that corresponds to that answer. 1 = A 2 = B 3 = C 4 = D 5 = E 6 = F Now pick a country that starts with that letter. Now pick an animal where the first letter of the animals name is the last letter of the country's name. Now think of a color where the first letter of the colors name is the last letter of the animals name. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?

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How do you stop a bus? throw a boy with an ice cream cone infront of the bus. but...come to think of it, that may not work. he might drop the ice cream on top of it >:l

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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had a good wank over anime yesterday xoxo dylan hodge

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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What do gamers call an abortion on quintuplets? PENTAKILL!!!

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? You wouldn't be able to count them if it were dark.

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Who can walk on water? Not the guy in the wheelchair.

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whats ironic about a white van being white the driver usualy is not

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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Q.Whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A. I don't were my cleats on my trampoline.

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Hi I'm makena. I'm a cynical asshole

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

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Why did the virgin masturbate until his hand was raw? He didn't have lotion.

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What's the difference between a hipster and a steaming pile of shit? Many things.

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What do you call a fish with one eye? A fish

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Why do I have a Virtual Boy?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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When someone calls me ugly, I run up and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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