What goes up and down but never physically moves? My grade.

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody nose.

What's white and sticky.... Jizz

Old McDonald had a farm. He grew corn there, and got reasonably wealthy. Then he retired to the Bahamas.

A girl and her friend got into a fight. They both bled to death.

Why did the mexican buy 50 tacos? Because he was taking them to the orphanage where he grew up. Isn't that nice?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has two legs

Why did the girls hair catch on fire her neighbor bullied her

How many are in a baker's dozen? 12 bakers

What did the Liver say to the Heart? Nothing, Organs can't talk

A Jew man gets on a train. He sits down and a hour and a half later he is dropped of at his proper destination.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

When is it ok to drink urine? When you're Bear Grills

Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

You wanna pop a bottle? I hope you are referring to bottles of water as I am underage and I refuse to partake in any said consumption of alcoholic beverages

Why was the boy dead? The boy was hit by a bus ran over by a train and stabbed to death by a murderer then put into a grinder for a meal for the murderer.

A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

A bartender walks into a bar. He serves alcohol for a living.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

What did the little boy with diabetes get for Christmas? A shot of insulin; just like every other day.

What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

When life gives you lemons......you should be really scared because life shouldnt be giving you anything....espically lemons so if life offers you lemons you better run

A duck walked into a bar and said "ouch."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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