Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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CNN has posted that the recent death of osama bin laden is comparable to decapitating a snake when really it is more akin to bisection of a worm.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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Wanna know a secret? I didn't read or agree to the terms and services

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Knock knock, Who's th- IMA FIRIN' MA LAZOR

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Why did Timmy miss school? He was killed in a tragic school bus accident

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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why was the black man scared of cats ? Because a gang of cats ate his family

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A rabi and a priest go out for a coffee they talk for a while and go on there way

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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What did Mary say to Vishnikharmut? You're name is weird. What did Vishnikharmut say to Mary? Your grammar is incorrect.

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do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

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What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

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A man walks into his room with a DVD and a box of kleenex. The DVD is a wedding video of his now dead wife.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? All of them.

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Next Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Sexual assault.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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