If life gives you lemons, you're setting up a bad joke

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A black man walks into a bar full of white people. And then... He orders his drink.

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whitney housten was supposed to sing at my funeral... but i dont think thats gonna happen. ;(

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Okay so there was a turtle, a pig, and a donkey. They were out fishing when suddenly they spot a man in boat. The man said he hasn't eaten in 5 days and he is very hungry. He looked at the turtle and said "no, too much shell." The turtle was happy and left. He looked at the pig and said "no, too much fat." The pig ran away and was very happy. He looked at the donkey and said "I think I'll have donkey today." The donkey ran away because he was scared. The man died from hunger.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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What do you call an unconscious black man? An ambulance.

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Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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What`s the difference between a dead baby and a pencil? I don`t keep a pencil in my backpack

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your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

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whats worse then getting sat on by a hippo getting sat on by Matt Ross

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whats funnier than a banana an orange -may bieber

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Why can't the orphan play baseball? He can't find home.

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Why does everyone treat Jesus as some sort of saint for making five thousand people bread, when Hitler made six million people toast?

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Why did the clown fall out of the tree? He got shot.

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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What do two Mexicans call a stray cat? Gato

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock "Who's there?" Not Sally!

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Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

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My dad died on Mothers Day, my mother was happy. Actually Iied, we were all sad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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