What is brown and tasty? A brownie.

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Cnorris can carry very heavy objects

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What do I do with all the wheelchairs after I boil all the vegetables?

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

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A Horse walks into a bar. So the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The Horse replies "My jockey raped me".

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what's worse than a worm in your apple? The Haulocaust. Whats worse than the Haulocaust? Two worms in your apple.

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What part of the cape were you on? Cod.

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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Whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? A mexican is a human being while a bench is an inanimate object.

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In the future... "Hey Apple! Hey, hey Apple!" "What the heck, Orange! You've been doing this for the last 10 billion years!"

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where do you find a dog with no brain? in its grave.

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roses are red, violets are red, bushes are red, flowers are red, trees are red, my garden is red... HOLY CRAP MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!

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What did the three-leaf clover say to the four-leaf clover? "FREAK!"

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To girl in a bar: Grab your coat love... It's cold in my basement.

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: nobody knows, but the road was royally pissed off.

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what happened to the man who ran straight into a brick wall he bounced off it, fell back, stumbled. he lifted his head up, looked at it, put his arm to his head. got up, groaned, dusted himself down, and walked towards the pub.

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf man? Neither did he.

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What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

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Why was the man killed before he could finish his anti joke? Because he

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One night a kid heard thunder and got scared. So he went to his parents bed and asked he could sleep with them. His mom said " Sure just don't look under the covers." He said okay and he looked under the covers and said " Daddy, why is your snake in Mommy's garden?"

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hi im paul!

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Three men of varying ethnic backgrounds jump off a building and yell different things as they fall to their death. They were all very good friends and neglected to have had a trip sitter watch them take hallucinogenics. The group of school children below the building are traumatized for a good portion of their lives.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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