Why do you want to know? And what did the censor get? Okay okay you are not boring nor stale nor anything, please increase the effect of this thing, its not working very well when I try to.

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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Knock Knock Whos there Me Oh, come in

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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What do you do when you see an ostrich playing tennis? I don't know as I have little experience in the areas of ostriches or tennis. Frankly, I'm not quite sure why you're even asking me

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Boy: Hey girl see these arms? They are just dying to be wrapped around you! She stabs him dead End of story

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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What do you call a horse standing alone in an empty field? Tesco's own Beef Lasagne.

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How do you stop a friendly bear from bouncing up and down on your front lawn? Shoot it in the neck.

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Would you like to go to my jinga party, if you do save the date 9/11?

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would you rather harry styles my dick have harry styles suck my dick or both of you style on my harry dick?

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How does Batman's mom call him home for supper? Nothing. Batman's mom is dead.

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What did the homosexual farmer say when he answered the phone? Hello

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An asian man walks into a taxi. The driver asked which chinese or electronic store woupd u like to go to?

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Q:Why don't black people go on cruises? A:They already fell for that trick once.

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whatis worse then tripping over and landing head first in dog shit No alot

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Why did the child not go to his mother's funeral? He was adopted, he didn't know his real mom.

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what is worse than joel an infested asshole

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Q: Why didn't Dwight D. Eisenhower play with the silly putty? A: Because he's dead.

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Why do zebras have stripes? I don't know.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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