How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I like food. But what's more than that it is necessary for survival. ASIAN!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the old women do when she found her husband dead? She had a heart attack and died as well.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats the difference between a black bird and a white bird? Their colour

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the doctor say to the other doctor? Hey bill

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why did the woman get electricuted? because there was an electric fence around the kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

a naked man walks into a bar the police arrived 10 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya" the man replies: "whisky."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you do when a burglar breaks into your house and tries to kill and rape you and you family? Nothing, he as an AK-47 and shoots you all dead and then has sex with your corpses.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Did you know, I have a black man in my family tree? He works for a lawn service.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's worse than sitting through a boring class? Sitting on a bus that a terrorist is about to blow up.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How can you tell your not italian? You aint no Guito!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Women don't have penises. Am I the only one who can't get over how WEIRD that is?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why did the chicken cross the road? the sudden lack of sidewalk dictated as such.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A Hideo Kojima AntiJoke Typed by Hideo Kojima. Idea By Hideo Kojima. Concept By Hideo Kojima Spacing by Hideo Kojima Controlled for typos by Hideo Kojima Overseen By Hideo Kojima Aproved By Hideo Kojima. Reconsidered By Hideo Kojima Accepted by Hideo Kojima What took you so long?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the black guy get from his white girlfriend for valentines day? An HIV positive test result.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Ludwig van Beethoven, John Coltrane, John Lennon, and Justin Bieber are out for lunch at a taco stand. The owner calls the police, and Justin Bieber is arrested for digging up corpses.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Richard Nixon walks into a bar. Everyone is thrilled to meet a former President of the United States who returned from the grave.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why do people who walk into bars never have names?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops