Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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What's worse than having you're leg fall asleep? Getting Polio

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

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shit is shit, even if you paint it purple; its still shit

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my grandpa told me "dont let fear rule your life" 2 hours later he got hit by a train.

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what's wose than finding a holocaust in your anti-joke? the potential offspring of courtney love and al gore

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What do you call a hindu that has radiation poisoned A radiatative hindu

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if you fall, I'll be there. -floor

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius!

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Q. Why couldn't Billy see the pirate movie? A. Because his mom didn't let him.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he was applying for a job that's building was located on the other side of the street.

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Why did the boy get nothing from Santa? He's Jewish.

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whats the difference between a fat person and a skinny person ? there weight.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

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Two black guys are in a car. Who is driving? One of the black guys.

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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