A blone walks into a bank in New York City and asks the bank teller for a $5000 loan because she's going to Mexico for 2 weeks. The bank teller said he would need some security for the money. The blonde tells him her new Rolls Royce is in the parking Lot and she hands him the keys. The blonde gets the money and goes on her trip. Another employee at the bank then parks the car in the underground parking garage. He later ffinds out the blonde is a multi millionaire. When the blonde arrives home from she pays back the $5000 and $15 interest. When the bank teller asks her why she gave them a $250000 car for security or needed the $5000 loan if she was a multi millionaire, the blonde answers, "Where else can you park your car in New York City and expect it to stillbe there when you return?"

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Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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When life gives you cancer, make cancer-aids.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Why don't you answer the damn door and find out for yourself?

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roses are red, violets are blue, {insert name here} is f**ked up, (s)he want to have sex with you

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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what d you call three arabs walking through the desert? dehydrated.

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make me a sandwich! what kind?

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Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

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What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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knock knock go away

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, and died of cancer

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

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What is worse then falling into a lava pit? Nothing you idiot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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