Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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salad days!

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What did the millionaire say to the hobo? Hi there.

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Your mother is so fat she has to have her clothing specially ordered, this brought her to a massive credit card bill and made your entire family bankrupt.

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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Q:what is long ,black and red but smells like poo.? A:poo from someone dying of bowel cancer.!

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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You are right, the past still has its claws deep within me thank you friend.

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A cat walks into a Chinese restaurant. It is then asked to leave.

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your mum

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely for no discernible reason as chickens are animals with poor reasoning skills.

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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Roses are red, Violets are too. I'm colour blind, It's a very depressing infliction.

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Q: Why was the man wet? A: I push him in a pool.

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What's black an white and red all over? Two dead babies, one African American and one Caucasian split in half by a chainsaw.

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(A man goes to visit his neighbor) Knock! Knock! ...................... ................... ................ ............ he walks back home

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What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops