What did the guy say to helen keller nothing... according to helen keller

What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

When life throws you melons, You probably won't catch them.

What's funny? Women's rights.

How many fish fingers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five.

What did the fruit say when it was about to be sliced in half? Nothing, fruits cannot talk, duh.

Why did suzie fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms. Why didn't she get back on the swing? cause she had no legs. Why didn't anyone help her up? Cause she had no friends. Why did she stay their all night? cause she had no family.

Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone. He proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

Did you know that... Billy had a heart attack, it was sad. Now you know!

What's a bench painted red white and blue all over? An American BENCH.

I think my son might be gay. He's started to listen to Justin Bieber, and last week I walked in on him engaging in penetrative anal sex with one of his friends.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

cop arrests a jew and interrogates him Jew. i aint telling you nothing cop: really cop pours a bag of coins on the table jew: thats about $7.80 cop: you can have it if you tell us what we want to know jew: ok jew: i stole the money 123

Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

-Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? -She had no arms. -Knock, knock. Who's there? -Not Sally.

How does an Asian person get overweight? By eating food with a great amount of calories and not burning then off in time.

roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

Why was Timmy sore? He'd been playing with his cornhole along with his friends all day!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

I woke up in bed with someone this morning. ... Hah.

Why is 16 scared of 17? Because 17, 18, 19 *crickets*

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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