What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Why did the car stop working. The owner was unable to pay the outrageous price for gasoline and was forced to ride a bicycle to and fromvwork every day. Over the course of several months without being run, the engine seized and was forever broken.

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My, you you... SEDUCER! XD, and there I go proving your point by going uppercase XD

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Q: A football coach walks into a bank. Why? A: Because one of his players is suffering from terminal cancer and he needs governmental funding for the team to play the big game against their rivals and to win, in hopes the kid will recover. Q: Why did the football coach go into the bank again? A: To receive more money to find a new running back.

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Yo mama is so fat she has a gym membership and a diet plan to lose weight

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Why did Poppy lose at sports day? Because she had a heart attack and died.

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Man 1- What's red, black, and white all over? Man 2- What? Man 1- Half a penguin! Man 2 became seriously disturbed from this joke, as he saw the movie Happy Feet two days ago. He went to intense therapy and became mentally deranged.

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* two sisters are making yo mama jokes* * mom turns around* mom: Hey yo mama so stupid ... sister one: ummmm.... sister two: sure thats not you?

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Your momma smells so bad that she purchased arm and hammer products to improve upon her natural scent.

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that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

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Why couldn't the boy talk? He had his fathers hairy scrote was in his mouth

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why did the snow man die? Actually it is impossible because it was an inanimate object.

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What do the holocaust and new born babies have in common? Nothing. Except some babies are born in Germany.

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The doctor told a man he had aids. He told his friends he had AIDS so his friends wouldn't sleep with his wife after he died.

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What did the Jew say to the German? Yes I would like fries with that.

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Q. What goes 100 mph and is green? A. A frog in a blender

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What do bluejays and cardinals have in common? They both Were born during the Medevil period.

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Why was the blonde so dumb? Because she came from a very poor family and could not afford a decent education

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How do you call a half deaf duck? HEY DUCK!!!!!!

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Why do black guys have ashy elbows? Because of 9/11

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How can you tell if someone is a virgin? Everyone is a virgin in something. For example, if you never had sex with a dinosaur, then you are a virgin at dinosaur sex.

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why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

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What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Sploosh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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