What happens when you touch a curling iron to your arm? You get burned.

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What did the egg say to the cup? I love your hairdo! Girl, who is your stylist?

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I AM DISSAPOINTED

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Have you heard the one about the drunk cleaning lady? I haven't either but I bet it is good. That is a pretty good premise for a joke.

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What did the man say to the other man? yummmmm

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knock knock who's there? Tommy Tommy who? Tommy Smith from across the street, i just ran over your dog.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? One's a black man and one's a pizza.

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There are 2 Muffins in an oven in a bakery. The first muffin says "Is it hot in here , or is it just me?" The other muffin says " We are going to die in here and no one will here us screaming."

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What do you call a black pilot? a pilot you racist bastard...

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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What do you call a black man in an expensive car? A licensed driver.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf man? Neither did he.

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What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

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What's the opposite of a joke. An anti-joke.

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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Acouple of grammer nazis walk into a bar & 'their' treated very poorly.

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So this blonde walks into a library.

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An Amish walks into Best Buy

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What did the gay guy get for Christmas? AIDS

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You know, dark humor just isn't everyone's cup of liquiffied dead baby.

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Whats 10+10? A mathematical equation.

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So a seal walks into a club...

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Q:Which way do gay people walk? A:In One Direction

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall. First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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