What did the pickle say to the cucumber? I am you from the future!

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What do you call a really bad actor? Nicholas Cage

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

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How did the man rob the bank? With a gun

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How many babies does it take to fill a ditch? Six if you pack them in really tight.

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What's worse then biting into a apple and finding a worm? I can't think of anything worse.

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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A scottish man having fun

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What do you call an Iraqi man steering the plane? a pilot, you racist.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Expensive cheese.

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Is your refrigerator running? No. Oh perfect, I'm a refrigerator repairman, I'll be right over.

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How do you act when you discover that the 'Submit' button doesn't work? Wait for a while until the problem fixes itself and you are able to perform the desired function.

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The Mets win the World Series

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What happens when you touch a curling iron to your arm? You get burned.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, it's destroying his family.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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France never surrender.

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What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods? One is a mythical person who parents exploit to get their children to behave due to lack of parenting skills.

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Q. Wherefore art thou Romeo? A. Global Warming. ,.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? One's a black man and one's a pizza.

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What did the old man say to his grandson before he kicked the bucket?? "I wonder how far i can kick this bucket..."

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What did the boy reading a book do? Run into a pole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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