What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting a handjob from Edward scissor hands

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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why did tiarnan not ride hi bike to school today? Tiarnans dead

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a turtle walks into a bar and eats everyone

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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke

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Roses are Red I shit in your Stew When you eat it The joke is on you

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What do gay kittens eat? Cat food. Friskies and Fancy Feast are both popular brands.

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Why did the editor lose his job at a poetry magazine? Because he's worthless.

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How do you get the neighborhood hoodlums to stop pushing you over in your wheelchair? Brutally murder their families in front of them.

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**** *** *** ****** *** ** *** ***? ***** I bet you wish you could read that joke. It was **** hilarious.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Why did the black man have sex with the white woman? Because they were married.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. Johnny runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his? hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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why did the chicken cross the road ...WHO FREAKING CARES!!!!

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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If little Timmy buys 80 candy bars and eats 67, how many candy bars does he have left? Diabetes. Timmy has diabetes. So he was disowned.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Whats worst than finding half a worm in your apple? Getting rapped by a giant scorpian

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I once did __________ (went to Hawaii, drank a whole gallon of beer, etc. ), but then I woke up. Works with anything, and people will laugh.

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Deja moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

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your momma's so fat that she weighs a lot

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What is more disappointed the Lake Disappointment? You

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What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Poor, poor children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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