Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a serial rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A dwarf walked into a pizza shop and ordered a large pepperoni pizza advertised as $12.50. He gave some money to the man behind the counter who then said, "Sir, you're a little short." The dwarf replied, "My apologies, I thought I had given you a twenty." He gave the man behind the counter the difference he owed, took his pizza and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Is your fridge running?" "Yes, I believe so" "You'd better go make sure, because I put some chicken in there and it didn't seem very cold to me"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a horse that likes to box? A horse

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is square and grey? A grey square.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many Obamas does it take to screw an economy? What do you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a giraffe walks into a bakery, "can I have 101 brown loafs please?" the baker answers: "hmm I've got only 100 loafs is that ok too?" the giraffe says: "why the hell would I need a 100 loafs?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how did the fat man survive the plane crash? he didn't, he died like everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Person 1 - Have you heard about the movie about constipation? Person 2 - No. Person 1 - It hasn't come out yet

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Joker: Knock knock Batman: Who's there Joker: Not your parents

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many tacos does it take to feed an angry person? You better tacover it!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q:Why do you never run over black guy on a bicycle A: Because that is not a very nice thing to do

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops