Michael J Fox may not be able to draw a perfect circle but he sure can jerk off like a champ

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats brown and has a head? A: my penis

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was Hellen Keller blind and deaf? Because she was a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What type of party do you throw when your fat? A baby shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the little girl drop her ball? Because she was done playing with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

It's not that hard to be Dyslexic. You just have to accept it nad ovem no.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did you hear about the black kid that had a gun? Yeah, it's a.20 gage that his father bought him for Christmas so that he could go hunting together

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between girl scouts and boy scouts? Girl scouts are usually females and boy scouts are usually males.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Whats that boy? Timmy fell down the well??" Bout time

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. ------ Knock Knock Whose there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Care to fill in some of the etc etc`s for me? Its not like we are complete strangers one to another either, you and I I mean, I feel pretty secure around you.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

But that just reinforces the negative stereotype that women don't have penises.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is green fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

yo mamma so fat that when she goes out in high heels she comes back in flip flops

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What separates man from animal? Divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Dont be mean Dyslexics are teople poo

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops