So a guy walks into a bar and says, "I can hold a spoon in between my butt-cheeks." Jillian Michaels asked him if that will help him lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Penis chickens

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why was the boy sad? I don't know, what do think I am? An umbrella? Why would you even think FOR A MOMENT that it's OK to just ASK me random stuff? Do you have ANY IDEA who I am?! I'm your worst nightmare, and if you ever ask me ANYTHING without permission again, or so help me I will drown the nearest pet goldfish. P.S. His cat died.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My family is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I have a friend named Jay . But for short , he likes to be called J .

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do u call a man who is smart. A lawyer/ genius/ smart man

thumb_up thumb_down -24

roes are red violets are blue we have nothing in common so baby were through

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the gay man see when he looked out the window? A UPS truck that was shipping a monkey

thumb_up thumb_down -24

The awkward when you didn't actually say moment.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootise pop? No, seriously, does anyone know?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? "because he had nobody to go with" No because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's weird about four black men in a toilet? No one got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A poor woodcutter accidentally dropped his axe into the nearby river when taking a particularly forceful swipe at the tree he was cutting. He felt so dejected he wept. Then, the goddess of the river appeared. "What ails thee, my dear man?" she asked. "My axe -- it fell in the river!" stuttered the weeping woodcutter. "Do not worryI am the goddess of this river, and will find your axe!" said the River Goddess and dived into the river. After waiting eagerly for several minutes, the woodcutter was resigned to the fact that he had imagined the River Goddess.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the chicken cross the road? It tried. The chicken was run over by a distracted driver. The chicken turned out to be Farmer Brendan's prized egg hen who wandered away. The hen provided a large portion of Brendan's income and living. The farmer, deprived of his vital income source, was forced to sell his farm and live on the city streets.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

hahahahahah http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=sonny+bartlett&hl=en&sa=X&tbm=isch&tbnid=s37cS73V74A8YM:&imgrefurl=http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCASl7llFhDpTF8vwjDlGI_g/videos&docid=kJoLzGiYRM-2AM&itg=1&imgurl=https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-si7_hCcHI7E/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAAA/HzlEl3ilyyM/s55-c-k/photo.jpg&w=55&h=55&ei=GrgsUZ_kJqac0AWExIC4BQ&zoom=1&biw=1024&bih=616&iact=rc&dur=188&sig=111947294788926856610&page=1&tbnh=55&tbnw=55&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:0,i:109&tx=27&ty=11

thumb_up thumb_down -24

whats the difference between an iron and a priest? An iron is a hand-held device which presses clothes and a priest is a person who is authorized to perform the sacred rituals of a religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Want to know how the dyslexic man with no left arm and no left leg? All left

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the chicken cross the road? There is no possible way for humans and chickens to communicate with each other. Therefore we cannot know.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A boy got a dog for his Birthday. The dog would have said happy Birthday but dogs can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer murdered his family

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops