A blind man walks into a bar. The shopkeeper says, "the bar is nextdoor." The man walks out.

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whats the difference between a dead body and a car with doors that open in a diagnal manner one was never alive to begin with

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what smells like tuna? my underwear

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Whats worst than the holocaust? What? 6million Jews.

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Okay, yeah red, but you wont ever get to see it because you have gone stale.

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what do you call a guy with no arm and legs laying by the door? Matt! what do you call a guy with no arms and legs floating on water Bob!

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One night, I walked into a bar. I ordered a few drinks, and left later that night.

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Brock is a massive b00b who likes da siiiiiii

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Why did the cow cross the road? The slaughter yard was on the other side!

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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Two 16 year old girls are chatting on their way to school: Girl 1 : "hey, is that a hickey on your neck? say, have you been naughty? is it Brian's mark?" Girl 2 : "That's not a hickey, it's a bruise. My dad came home drunk again last night and beat me up for no reason."

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What's the worst part of being raped by a unicorn? Be sentenced to a life of shame and humiliation.

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Q. Why did the teacher trip and fall? A. Because his left foot was gnawed off by a camel, and he often finds it difficult to walk.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your window is open I'm watching you

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have AIDS.

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Q:What's black and white and red all over? A: An interracial couple in a car crash.

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What happened to the little boy that went to The Penn State locker room? He had a great day meeting the team and watching the football game.

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You know whats better than cold pizza? Winning a nobel prize.

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What do you call a jew without a nose? A most likely kind and interesting anti- steriotypical person

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Roses are Gray, Violets are Gray, I am a dog.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? Moo

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Yo mommas teeth are so yellow that.....I reccomend she see a dentist.

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Why are black people so fast? They probably practice.

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Why did the the dog not eat its food? Because the night before the dog had gotten serious disease and lost appetite

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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