I'm gonna put my nut-sack on your drum set

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A horse walked into a bar, broke its leg and its owner then had to put it down because it was a racing horse and the owner did not have enough money to bring the horse back to health. Fuck you.

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I went to a magic show and the magician asked for my watch... He took the watch and then produced a doughnut... Guess what was in the doughnut? JAM!

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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What's the number one killer in America? Death.

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

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What is white a can't climb up a tree? A fridge.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was kidding about the wheels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor? Because she had no arms or legs.

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Q: How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: negitave 999999999999999999e

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What is the loneliest number to exist? Zero. Except it's not lonely. I'm just saying there are zero lonely numbers. Numbers aren't sentient. They can't feel loneliness.

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Hey guess what? Nevermind.

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Who killed Lincoln Nobody knows

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What did the kid see when he fell down the well? Nothing it was to dark.

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What do you call a Mexican hockey player? A hockey player.

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Why is ur cousin gay? because ya dad

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Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

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How do u make a plumer cry? You kill his family!

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What's worse than pushing a baby off a cliff?........ Standing at the bottom with a pitchfork....!

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give my joke a thumbs up Please!!!

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What's similar between a flamingo and a rhino? They're both pink...except the rhino

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What's the difference between a tube of toothpaste and Youtube? If you squeeze a tube of toothpaste then toothpaste comes out. You cannot squeeze Youtube because it is a popular video sharing website. Even if you could squeeze it, no toothpaste would come out..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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