- Anti Joke

A man is getting bored of his regular life-routine and decides to make a change. He thinks long and hard about what change he should make and after much deliberation he resolves to buy himself a pet camel. After all, some of his more fashionable friends have done this and it seems to make them very happy indeed and attracts to them a lot of attention, which they relish. He pops down to the local pet store and asks the owner "Do you have any camels?". To which the pet store owner replies "Yes of course! They're very popular at the moment and I have a selection out back in the stables. Come and take your pick!" So after inspecting the selection of available camels, the man pays the shopkeeper for the camel and a camel-leash and makes his way home, walking down the street and around the woods that separate the pet shop from his house. The camel is very well behaved and always walks at heel. The man is very happy with his purchase and starts thinking that this was definitely the best decision he could have made to improve his life. That night, the man tucks the camel up in it's straw bed in a makeshift shelter in the back garden, kisses it on the nose and says good night. The next morning, after an excellent nights sleep, he bounds downstairs, eager to have more fun with his camel. He throws open the doors of the shelter, grinning and excitable. But to his horror, he finds that the camel is dead. With no legs! Someone must have sneaked in during the night and killed his camel and taken its legs! The man is inconsolable. He cries and cries, and eventually he summons the energy to lay his camel to rest in a grave at the end of the garden, digging it plenty deep enough and saying a few private words in memory of his dearly loved, departed camel. After this he realises that he wants to try again to have his own camel, and this time he will keep his camel safe and even more comfortable. He will even take the time to give this second camel a name. So he walks to the pet shop, around the woods and down the street and goes to speak to the owner. “I just don’t understand”, says the man. “My camel meant the world to me and someone came along and killed it during the night…. and they took it’s legs.” “Disgusting,” replies the shopkeeper as he saddles up the second camel and exchanges money with the man. Anyway, he takes his camel home, walking down the street and around the woods, promising himself that he will do a better job of protecting it. He calls his brother who comes over from the next town to help him build a strong stables for the new camel and they install a security camera for extra safety. At night, the man kisses his camel on the nose, tucks it in to its hay bed, closes and locks the door, and heads to bed. Feeling warm and safe in the knowledge that this camel is safe and sound in its new home. He decides on a name. “Greg”, he mutters to himself as he falls asleep, “yes, Greg”. The next morning, as he bounds downstairs, calling out Greg’s name, he sees that the security camera is loose and hanging from the wall… He approaches the stable cautiously, with a baseball bat held ready to attack any intruders. What he sees horrifies him. His camel is Dead! Again! And with no legs! “What, oh what is going on?” he mutters to himself in a state of shock and confusion. He cries for a few hours, and buries the remains of the camel in the back garden. “OK,” he thinks to himself. “One more go, and if this doesn’t work, I’ll never buy a camel again!”. So he sets out for the pet shop. This time taking a shortcut through the woods, as it is a nice day and he could do with cheering up. As he passes through the deepest part of the woods he comes across an old mansion house that he has never noticed before… He reflects for a second, and wonders whether he should go and ask them if they’ve been having similar troubles with their camels. He decides there would be no harm in doing so, so he walks up their ivy-covered driveway towards the front door and when he gets there he knocks. Rat-a-tat-tat The heavy door squeaks and opens a touch. “Strange..” he thinks. He pushes harder and swings the door to be fully open. As he does so, the sunlight is allowed to shine in on the dark interior, it looks like a carnival haunted house, with cobwebs on candlesticks and dust everywhere. As the light cascades in, filling the room, and as his eyes adjust he sees a man, old and dishevelled, standing in the middle of the room, still as a statue, surrounded, from wall to wall, by camel legs hanging from the walls. Our man gasps and struggles not to vomit with disgust. He looks at the old man accusingly and in a shaky voiced murmur, he half whispers the words, “Have YOU been stealing my camel legs?” To which the man replies, “No.”

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

You might be redneck if you are... Indian

a. why? b. because I wanted

Q:Who has the highest K/D ratio in Call of Duty World at War A: Hitler, 6000000/1

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender immediately tells him to leave as they don't allow pets.

Q: What do African Americans and Doorknobs have in common? A: Before the Emancipation Proclamation was passed, neither was free. Doorknobs still aren't free.

I went to a magic show and the magician asked for my watch... He took the watch and then produced a doughnut... Guess what was in the doughnut? JAM!

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

why doesnt cornelia say anything? she didnt answer

What is black and white and red all over? A half eaten zebra carcass.

You are on a street. there are 4 houses, a red one, a blue one, a green one, and a white one. The red man lives in the red house, the blue man lives in the blue house. the green man lives in the green house. Who lives in the white house? The president

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Brian. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

19 cats 33 hamsters 24 turtles and 23 dogs are all in a small cage, PETA is not happy.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

Yo mama so stupid she liked this joke

What looks like poop and smells like cheese??

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

Why didn't the chicken cross tithe road Because it was a motorway

Why could'nt Boris fit in with the other kids? His name was Boris.

how do u get a clown to stop smiling? Hit it with an axe!

Bill is walking down the street when a girl who had a crush on him 20 years ago sees him, goes up to him, and says, "I think I know you, what is your name?". Bill says, "Timmy," and keeps walking because he is an asshole.

My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

What is white, and hurts when it falls from a tree? -tom

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops