Why did Johnny throw his money on the floor? Because he was giving it to charity

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i have two hands.

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What did Tiger Woods say when his wife hit him with a golf club? "Why did you hit me with a golf club".

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Mary had a little lamb Little lamb Mary had a little lamb That Mary wanted to blow Because Mary was into beastiality

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So I was walking down the street the other day, I went to the shop.

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If Chuck Norris has $5, and you have $5, Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

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What makes George Michael gay? The fact he engages in sexual intercourse with other men.

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why shouldn't you get a clown angry? Because they'll yell at you.

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Guess what? What. This joke isn't funny

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Whats brown and drives people around? A cab driver of south asian decent. Finding a job that alligns with their qualifications and experience is not always possible, so they take up menial jobs to survive and provide for their family.

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Why was the blonde fired from the factory? Repeated absences and violation of company policy.

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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Why did spock look in the toilet he was concerned with his poop

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slaughter the mussies #EDL

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How do you cure aids? Jonathon siezed to care as he proceeded to cry when he was told his lemons were over the weight of what he'd expected

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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What happened to the teenager who was raped and murdered? Who knows? They never found the body.

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So a guy is on his way to work and he nearly gets hit by a bus. He sticks his middle finger up at the bus driver but a couple seconds later he realized that it was the same bus he was supposed to get on so he apologized to the bus driver and got on the bus. He was 15 minutes late for the 420th time this week so he was fired from his job and went back home. On his way home he was not allowed on the bus because he left his oyster card somewhere so he had to walk home. 69 minutes later he arrives home to his wife and kids. What did the man say to his wife when he got back home? "Hi."

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Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Honey, are you hearing things again? Nobody knocked on the door... Honey-are-you-hearing-things-again-nobody-knocked-on-the-door who? ...

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What is human, went bankrupt eight times, got a small loan of a million dollars, and is over all a terrible person? Your probably thinking Donald Trump Well your correct.

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Why didn't the woman cross the road? She died from breast cancer.

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What's worse than a papercut? Dying

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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