Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What does it mean if your born on opposite day? you have sids

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Knock knock Go away

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What has eyes but can not see, and rolls everywhere it goes? A man who fought for your freedom and lost both his eyesight and legs in doing so. Have some respect.

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Did you hear the one about the avalanche that crashed into the bar? It was such a tragedy.

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Q: What does a really poor kid say to his friends? A: I hate over working for 75 cents an hour...

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The tooth fairy, Santa and, Justin Beiber are the same, little kids believe in them, whats wrong with America these days

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Why couldn't the boy with no arms and no Legs swim? Because he was black.

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two snow men standing in a field and one says to the other can you smell carrots

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one.

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What's ugly and has shit smeared over its teeth? Smelly McD (He also wears bin bag clothes)

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Have you seen Stevie wonders new house..... It's ok he hasn't either.

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why was the female student failing out of school? because she made bad choices and never gave school her all.

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why was the the taxi cab driver having a bad day? because he wasnt making very much money, didnt get alot of customers, some of which were extremely rude, and his entire family just died.

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whats worse than a baby impaled on your lawn... the universe being consumed by a giant albino ape with over sized testicles

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How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? none, you can't see them in the dark. Vincent

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Sprechen zie deutsche? nein!

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You know what's gay?? Lesbians

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Why did the guy in the wheelchair die? He was mauled by tigers.

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What did tyler say to Jake? My pussy is wet jew

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Humpty dumpty sat on a wall Humpty dumpty ha a great fall Hunpty dumpty's skull was split in two

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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