What ryhmes with turtle rape

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What's heed and has wheels? Your mom.

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knock knock. who's there? interrupting black lady. wha....... ehmmm hmmmm!

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penis likes vagina cuz its straight (get it?? it has an erection!!!!!!)

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Q: Why Cant The T-Rex Clap? A: No, Its Not Because His arms are to short, Its because he's Dead You Idiot...

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he hast to get some flowers so he goes to a florist and there is a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he gets the flowers. Next he heads to get a limo, unfortunately there is a long limo line at the rental office and it takes a long time but he gets the job done. Finally the day of the prom comes and the two are dancing happily and are having a good time. When the song is over she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there is no punchline.

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

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what did the bartender say to the customer? a. is it the first option b. is it the second option c. is it the third option.

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Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them was a salted Peanut

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wats green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill u? a pool table

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How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

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Knock knock? Who's there? Herpes. Bummer.

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Why was the homeless man homeless? He lost his house in a terrible house fire, stretching throughout his apartment building, losing his much beloved wife and kids in the horrific accident.

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What's black and yellow and flies? I dont know.

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Q: What happens when two planes both crush a tower in New York City? A: Bad news.

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Q: Why did Tom bought a new sweeper? A : because his grandma fired their maid

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Just think...there are 7 billion people in the world...so that's 14 billion orgasms!

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Ham sandwich

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What's worse than getting struck by lightning? Getting struck while your in your house!!

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What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

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What did the kid with turrets say? Many swear words but he can not be blamed for this because he has a disease that make him unable to control many of the things he says.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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