Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A Mexican is a human being of Aztec descent, while a bench is an inanimate object used most frequently as a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What is the difference between your mother and a hooker? Gonorrhea and her father's approval.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what did the kid say when pee-wee was about to rape him ...huh just make it quick

thumb_up thumb_down -29

2 guys are best friends from birth, one goes crazy and kills the others family and feel hatred towards each other for eternity.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -33

what is darker than black?... YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods They both have beards... EXCEPT FOR TIGER WOODS.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What did the black boy get for christmas? An Xbox.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why doesnt Mexico have a navy? Because cardboard doesnt float.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

knock knock whos there? your mother your mother who? ...........what?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

What is pink and smells like green paint? Pink paint

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Why did the blond fall of the ladder? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Of course; if he was too short to climb onto the saddle then it would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous not to help him off. As his riding instructor, you would be liable for any injuries Jack sustained had he attempted to dismount the horse with no assistance.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

why did the ginger start crying. because people through bricks at him!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did the African boy get for his Christmas present for the first time? Leprosy

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did the homeless guy do when he found a quarter? He picked it up

thumb_up thumb_down +42

If a tree falls on a house and there's no one there to hear it....Why was there no woman in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why was the chicken mad? Because he was sick of everyone questioning him even when he crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops