A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the man kill himself? Because he had a gun

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why did spiderman fall off the roof ? cause it was wet

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Why was Johnny so mad at his father? Because his father had a constant drinking problem and was very abusive.

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? There are numerous things worse than finding a worm in your apple. Some include the holocaust and nuclear warfare

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A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

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What would you call the baby of an elephant and a rhinoceros? Nothing. They are two entirely different species and therefore cannot breed.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What do you call a pool full of black people? a pool full of black people.

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roses are red violets are red the whole world is red i started the holocaust

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What sucks more than being married? Being shot in both kneecaps

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How do you stay out of Heaven? you stay alive.

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whats black and white and red all over? this joke.

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Why can't the black person drown? He is very well trained at swimming.

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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What do humans and trees have in common? -If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they fal down

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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a brand new Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You murder his family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to get hit and die

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Gay marriage is freaking gay.

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Why didn't the woman need a watch? Because she had both her hands amputated after battling diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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