Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Me either. Well, later. Later.

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Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs? We're going to have to amputate it to prevent infection, you won't be able to walk again.

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Hey babe, are you a refrigerator? -No... Good--'cause I wanna f*ck you so hard. Best pickup line. Always works.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If you look closely, it's not a chicken, it's a man wearing a costume. He's going to a halloween party with some friends. Sally was not invited.

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Q:How can you tell an asian has just robbed your home? A: You took the necessary precautions to purchase a very high quality security system and you caught the whole thing on tape, and the man was arrested.

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What did the gym coach tell his student? Come on! You can do it! Push harder!

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

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what did the kid with no arms and no legs get for x-mas a bike

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A blonde fails an exam because she did not study

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What did the Asian get on his math assignment? 56%, he forgot about it and passed it in a day late with a number of questions uncompleted.

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Last week, one of my ex girlfriends called me. She said she had to tell me some bad news. "I don't know how to tell you this but I have AIDS. I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say. "Yeah, I know."

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What did the scarf say to the hat? Nothing, a scarf can't talk.

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SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS. Source: http://www.pingzic.com/funny-whatsapp-status-to-make-others-laugh/

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In the movie, Full Metal Jacket, my favorite part was when the entire platoon beat PVT. Pyle with hard soap while he was tied down. Actually I am lying. That part was extremely cruel.

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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Knock Knock Who's There 42

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Why didn't the girl get on the school bus? It was Sunday.

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Why didn't the little boy wake up today? Because he's dead

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A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

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How many Jews can you fit inside a car? Legally somewhere between 2 and 9 depending on seat belt availability and passenger space.

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Why shouldn't 6 guys sleep naked in the same bed? They would not fit

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What is the difference between a Mexican man and a bench? The Mexican man is a human being, thus being sentient and able to partake in social activities, such as receiving education, meeting people, getting a job, raising a family, and getting somewhere in life. The bench cannot do anything. It is inanimate and is meant to be sat on.

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I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops