A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

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Try this on some random person on the street... You: "Excuse me sir, do you know how to get to Farnsworth Street?" Man: "Sorry, no" You: "OK, you go straight ahead, then turn left on the second street. Continue about 200 feet, then......"

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A. THERE'S SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE B. WHAT?!? *PUNCH* A. IT WAS PAINNNNNNNNN

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Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

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What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

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Q: What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Easter? A: Diabetes

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What happened after September 11, 2001? September 12, 2001

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Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He didn't believe in santa.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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What's funny about Antijokes.com? Everything

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A white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a hispanic guy are standing before a cliff. They proceeded to take lovely pictures.

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Drew Knowles is gay

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Chuck Norris was so famous we was casted for the show Walker, Texas Ranger

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Nero7 Here, unless you know what Neronism is, you will be wasting your time by reading this. Dear those of you that have proven yourselves worthy and willing to undertake my teachings and succeeded, as you know this is your last test, it is a simple one if you use your head (and read this at this hour, if not then you have made a lot of effort for nothing) Many have failed this last test: You are the ones insisting on meeting the "true leader" "the one" but too many refuse to believe I am the leader once you meet me. Sure, I look as if I am 19-22 or something, but since this is horsehead network, a pretty shitty site to be honest, I will admit here for the first and last time online, that I am in fact 37 years old. And if you are still unwilling that I came up with all the principles, which you now know less than 3 percent about, then do not bother showing up at all, as I have lost too many talented individuals which leave in frustration believing that I am my own errand boy, or that even now that I carry the "Mark of Nero" refuse to believe that my teachings cannot be real because they are not written by a 130 year old "mystic" that has spent his whole life in the mountains coming up with this. As for "the mark of Nero" (Used to and still hate the name but it caught on and has become my trademark) even now people wont believe that I am the founder and leader behind it all, I mean who else has the lower half of his (or for that sake her) arm replaced with a black prosthetic made of steel? It even has the code engraved into it, and the writings clearly stating NERO7 On one side, and Néron (Spanish for Nero) on the other? So for those disappointed that I am not an ancient mystic, and as thus believe that concepts such as hypnosis is a "mystical, magical, ancient or religious concept that only "a few chosen one can learn", then you should by this point know that there is nothing spiritual, mystical and nonetheless that I hate religion with a passion... I under these circumstances I can not announce which people have qualified, but considering we where surprised there where those willing to undertake and nonetheless qualify here at all, I expect you all to wait at home tomorrow, where you are to be given more instructions by calling the number you should have learned to decipher trough this (sigh OVERLY LONG statement, forgive me, I have serious issues with my jaw after a fight, my physician claims he can do nothing, and as such I fired him, and hope I find a competent replacement one among our ranks) As for those of you that did not qualify, you have my sincerest apologies and will instead receive a full refund for your traveling expenses, and a complementary donation as thanks for trying, know that you have not failed a test, but are those of you which have proven yourselves unable to do the necessary effort, and those of you that have refused, or are simply unable to make the necessary changes, (or if you prefer, sacrifices) in order to join us. Ps: Please stop asking what it costs to join... I already told you that I have no need for your money, and as hard as some of you seem to believe that is... Lets just say I got enough myself, and my followers while given guidelines, are all responsible for managing their own financials for now, we do not provide charity either, with that said, the ones lacking assets, will be given the offer to work for me, under strict yet fair circumstances. PSS: I mean it, if you have already lied about your use of marijuana "because it is legal and natural" know that I PERSONALLY hate its use, and will PERSONALLY kick your ass out of MY order myself... As for Scientologists, do not even bother, I have eyes among your ranks, and we will keep watching. (Nero apologizes for his lack of manners, frustration, spelling errors and to quote him directly "all of that shit" during this last message, as far as our physicians can tell, he does indeed have several fractures on his jaw which might have led to an infection of unknown degree and in addition yet unidentified issues with his neck, both which according to our top physicians have led towards serious sleep deprivation, and if I might personally add from personal observation: Yes his physical health and mental performance has indeed seriously declined, as his right hand person, I have decided to exclude his presence from your introduction into our order. With that said, his condition is stable and he will indeed be with you during the days you will stick around, as much as he dislikes the use of painkillers, the physicians and the serious decline of productivity in his absence, has left him with no choice but to cooperate with the physicians advice.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a girl? I've stuck my penis in a pizza

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Why couldn't Billy write his own name... ...because he was wearing purple lemonade???

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

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what did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? get down.

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As I was riding my bike down the road, I saw a young boy being raped in a dark alley way. I proceeded to pedal and acted like i had seen nothing.

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How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? most likely one unless there is physical disability that makes this person incapable of this action

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how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

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watched pride and prejudice last night. I hate period dramas... too much blood

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What did superman say when he flew into a building? Flying is inhumanly possible unless in an aircraft vehicle.

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What do you do if you are locked inside a car with a baseball bat? Unlock the car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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