- Anti Joke

When geese fly in the "V" shape, why is one side longer than the other? There are more geese on that side.

Want to hear an urban legend? There's a straight feminist.

a penguin biked to a bakery he walked in and asked for buns the baker said how many 12 or 13 the penguin said it don't matter I brought my bike

why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? Ten babies nailed to a tree. What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

what's worse than getting cancer.........nothing cancer is a pretty bad thing

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

What's worse then a blind driver? A girl driver

Why did the boy drop his icecream cone? Because of the shock of seeing his dead family.

Knock Knock. Who´s there? Tsu Tsu who? TSUNAMI!!!!!!!

Q: Why was the cook put in jail. A: He has killed 2 people and robbed several stores

Why don't lesbians use dildoes? Because they look just like a big penises.

How do you confuse a girl? Easily.

Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red... That depends in how hard you throw them.

Knock knock Who's there? A Jehovahs Witness

What's the difference between a park bench and a hobo? The park bench can support a family

Roses are red Violets are blue Most rhymes rhyme But this one doesnt

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a convicted rapist.

How do you make beef Wellington? INGREDIENTS For mushroom duxelles: 1 pound cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper For herb crepe: 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chives, minced 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water 4 tablespoons butter, melted, plus more if needed for pans For beef Wellington: 2 pounds filet mignon Salt and black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup whole-grain Dijon mustard 1/2 pound prosciutto di Parma 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed 1 egg yolk 1 tablespoon whole milk DIRECTIONS To make mushroom duxelles: Add mushrooms to a food processor and process until completely smooth. The consistency is similar to wet hummus. In a pan over medium heat, add mushroom paste, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly over the surface and cook on a medium-low heat until the moisture in the paste has reduced and the mixture has the consistency of a spreadable pâté. Remove from heat and let cool. To make herb crepes: In a large bowl, whisk together flour, eggs, sugar, salt, and chives. Whisk in milk, water, and 1 tablespoon of melted butter, until smooth and emulsified. Heat a crepe pan or large skillet over medium heat. Add remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 1/4 cup of the batter. Rotate pan in a circular motion over the heat to completely cover the surface with the batter. The edges of the crepe will begin to curl slightly as the crepe cooks. Cook for approximately 45 to 60 seconds, then flip crepe to cook the other side. Each side should be a pale golden brown. Remove from heat. Add more butter if needed to the pan and repeat process with the remaining batter. Set crepes aside. Preheat the oven to 400º F. To make steaks: Pat filet mignon dry with paper towels and season generously with salt and black pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add olive oil. When the oil begins to smoke, add the filet mignon and brown from 1 to 2 minutes on all sides. You want to create a nice sear on the outside of the steak but leave the inside raw. Remove from heat and place on a cutting board to cool. Cover cooled filet with Dijon mustard. To roll the beef Wellingtons: On a cutting board, lay out a long piece of plastic wrap. In the middle of the wrap, lay out a crepe. Spread mushroom duxelles over the crepe. Lay out the prosciutto on top of the duxelles. Place filet in the center of the crepe and gently wrap the crepe around the filet. Trim off any excess and use the plastic wrap to tightly wrap the steak. Lay out a clean, long piece of plastic wrap. Gently roll out puff pastry until it is a 1/4-inch thin. Place the wrapped steak on one end of the puff pastry and wrap. Pinch the ends closed and trim off any excess puff pastry. Use the plastic wrap to tightly seal the puff pastry. Pop it in the fridge for about 5 minutes to let it firm up again. In a bowl, mix together egg yolk and milk. Place a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. Remove Wellington from fridge, remove the plastic wrap, and lay the Wellington seam-side down on the baking sheet. Baste the top of the puff pastry with the egg wash and bake for approximately 25 to 30 minutes or until the internal temperature of the steak reaches 125º F, or to whatever temperature you prefer your steak. Remove from the oven and let rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing into medallions. Serve warm.

Why did I miss my bus? Because my watch was wrong.

What's worse then having your wife leaving you? Taking the kids with her.

why'd the Chinese kid die how the hell should i now

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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