Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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whats red and smells like blue paint? Hank Kovalcik

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms

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I have a knock knock joke. You start.

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A young girl walks into a dark alley. She emerges a few minutes later unharmed and goes about her day.

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What's black and blue and red all over? A person who was just in a fight.

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Why didn't the chicken cross tithe road Because it was a motorway

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How did the thief acquire a lamborghini? He has a side job as a lamborghini salesman.

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What happened to the village that got swept by a tsunami? It was destroyed.

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My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

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A man walks into a bar and slowly draws a pistol and kills 5 people.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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Why was the man unable to get an erection? Because he was a woman

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why did the banana go to the doctor? answer: he wasnt peeling well lollolololloololololololololololololooolololololololol i just fell of my dinosaur

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What couldn't the stereotypical pirate get into the movie? Well, considering that the stereotypical pirate existed in the sixteenth to eightteenth centuries and the first motion picture wasn't made until the mid to late nineteenth century, also the technology for time travel does not exist nor has it ever, I would have to derive that he was not let in due to the fact that there was no way for him to ever exist at the same time that a movie would have been playing.

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A Mexican is a human being of Aztec descent, while a bench is an inanimate object used most frequently as a place to sit.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Kony 2012

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What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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What's brown and says "Hey, I'm a dog"? A talking dog, able to grasp the English language.

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If a tree falls on a house and there's no one there to hear it....Why was there no woman in the kitchen?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops