Yo mamma's so fat it's a legitimate medical condition

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My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

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How did the thief acquire a lamborghini? He has a side job as a lamborghini salesman.

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What happened to the village that got swept by a tsunami? It was destroyed.

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Want to hear an urban legend? There's a straight feminist.

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A man walks into a bar and slowly draws a pistol and kills 5 people.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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why did the banana go to the doctor? answer: he wasnt peeling well lollolololloololololololololololololooolololololololol i just fell of my dinosaur

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Why was the man unable to get an erection? Because he was a woman

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A Mexican is a human being of Aztec descent, while a bench is an inanimate object used most frequently as a place to sit.

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What couldn't the stereotypical pirate get into the movie? Well, considering that the stereotypical pirate existed in the sixteenth to eightteenth centuries and the first motion picture wasn't made until the mid to late nineteenth century, also the technology for time travel does not exist nor has it ever, I would have to derive that he was not let in due to the fact that there was no way for him to ever exist at the same time that a movie would have been playing.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Kony 2012

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What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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What's brown and says "Hey, I'm a dog"? A talking dog, able to grasp the English language.

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If a tree falls on a house and there's no one there to hear it....Why was there no woman in the kitchen?

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names.

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3 jews are walking into a bar. the first jew orders a shot of vodka, drinks it and says "long live my family!" the second jew orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it and says "long live my friends" the third jew orders water, because he is the one that is driving tonight.

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what was the dinosaur after it got out of the pool? wet

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How do you fit 100 ethiopians in a phone box? With great difficulty.

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So a priest and an atheist sit next to eachother train After talking to eachother for a short period of time, the priest discovers the other man's beliefs and procededs to spend the rest of the ride trying to convert the atheist. Incredibly irritated the atheist gets off the train a stop early to escape the tirade. The next day the atheist sees on tv that the train crashed right after getting off, and the priest is listed amongst the people killed in the accident. He is ecstatic, and says to himself "ha, proof of divine retribution," but then he feels confused because he realizes he doesn't believe in a god...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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