What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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what do you call a black man flying a plane? a pilot you racist.

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? I don't eat hot dogs. Thank you though.

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Dude, you're never going to guess how stupid my friend Philip is! Really? What did he do?? Nothing. Philip will be attending the prestigious Princeton University next year and is therefore an incredibly intelligent human-being. You're an idiot for believing me.

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What do you get if you put a black man in the blender and then in the microwave ? ... I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the Nazi call the Jew? Alex.

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Why was the Catholic priest incarcerated? 2 counts of child pornography and 3 counts of sexual abuse with a minor. Since he is now released, he's working as a janitor of an elementary school.

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What do you call a small weapon used by northern russians? A Gun.

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Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the slaughter house

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What is the speed limit in front of Liberace's house? 40mph because that portion of the road is curved.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was kidding about the wheels.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken decided go get cigarettes and then hang out at a bar. The chicken sitts next to horse, the horse says "Why the sad face?" The chicken justs sitts there, thinking about the insanity that he has caused. "I don't know, is my joke not getting old?" Replied the chicken.

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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What do u call a guy that loves the color blue? A smurf

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What's better than having an iPad? I don't know, I lost both my hands.

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Man 1: What kinds of phones do snails use? Man 2:I don't know, I don't think they do. Snail: The snail said nothing, snails don't speak.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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What's the difference between a black man and cake? I like cake.

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of pain. Everywhere I touch it hurts, he tells the doctor. "The cancer has spread," the doctor says. "Go home and spend your last days with your loved ones."

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Why was the man unable to get an erection? Because he was a woman

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Why did Dave buy a playstation? Because he wanted one.

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Your mom is so fat she has to buy clothes at a Plus-size clothing store.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops