My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was forced to against his will by a group of marauding ninjas who happened to be strolling by at the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

i think i have a problem with these jokes they aren't finny

thumb_up thumb_down

Why do people discriminate against black people? Because they show an undeserving amount of disrespect towards the rest of the world and why should they get anything better than what they offer.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did one guy in the bar say to the other? Hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a three legged man? Horribly deformed

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you occupy a blonde for hours ? Give her a long list of stuff to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your moms so fat She should get some help because there's nothing good about being fat

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's that smell? Your feces droping in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did one man say to the other? I'm a Mormon.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

what is darker than black?... YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q: What do you call a bathtub? A: A bathtub

thumb_up thumb_down -40

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

One day a girl comes home crying to her father. Father, Father! She says, a boy i met touched my shoulder! Like this? Her father says and touches her shoulder. Yes just like that, a bad part was that he kissed me on my lips! Like this? her father says and kisses her on the lips. Yes just like that but the WORST thing was he stuck his you know what into my you know where. Like this? Her father says as he sticks his you know what into her you know where. Yes just like that father but he had AIDS! ......( Awkward silence)..... oh shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why did the hamster run around the wheel.? Because he lived in a small cage and had nothing better to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops