What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing. I lied about the deer.

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What's green, red, and goes fifty miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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What type of cheese is not your cheese? The cheese that belongs to another person.

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what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

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Know what's worse than being publicly embarrassed in front of your crush? Jeffrey dahmer

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What did the small baby faucet say to the daddy faucet? Nothing, they are inanimate objects and cannot talk.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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What do super heroes say after they beat the villain? Nothing, super heroes are not real.

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what do you do if there is a black person in your front yard? tell him to leave...

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Noses are red, pilots are blue I am dyxslexic boo who

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasn't; numbers cannot experience emotions.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What's a vampire's favorite subject in school? Probably math.

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Q: How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: negitave 999999999999999999e

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Rub-a-dub-dub three men in a tub, and one was Sandusky.

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Who's fat? Holly Davis.

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Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

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There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

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Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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