What did Elvis say when he lost his voice? Nothing.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing. I lied about the deer.

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What's green, red, and goes fifty miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

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What type of cheese is not your cheese? The cheese that belongs to another person.

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Know what's worse than being publicly embarrassed in front of your crush? Jeffrey dahmer

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What did the small baby faucet say to the daddy faucet? Nothing, they are inanimate objects and cannot talk.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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What do super heroes say after they beat the villain? Nothing, super heroes are not real.

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what do you do if there is a black person in your front yard? tell him to leave...

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Noses are red, pilots are blue I am dyxslexic boo who

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasn't; numbers cannot experience emotions.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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Q: How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: negitave 999999999999999999e

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What's a vampire's favorite subject in school? Probably math.

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Rub-a-dub-dub three men in a tub, and one was Sandusky.

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Who's fat? Holly Davis.

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Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

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Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

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There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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