If you were in a room with Osama bin Laden, Hitler, and a black guy and you had two bullets, who would you shoot? Seeing as this situation is logically impossible considering that Adolf Hitler died in the year 1945 and Osama bin Laden was born in the year 1957, I would be in a room with just a black guy and two bullets. Then I would proceed not to shoot the black guy on the fact that I enjoy the talking and learning about cultural diversities between the black and white races.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? Cuz she had no arms! B I T C H

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Knock knock Who's there? Orange That's impossible...

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"Hey hey hey, did you hear the joke about the guy with terminal cancer?" "No." "Sorry to break it to you then."

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what did the guy say on friday ? ah man im so glad its not monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday he then threw a horse at a plane while moonwalking on a star that was riding a duck that was on a rabbit. Sir jumpalot was working overtime as he had to pay for a free phone

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Whats the most fun thing you can do with hangers and a vaccum cleaner? -abort babies

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Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

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Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Bob is asleep. Knock knock. Whos there? NOT BOB

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What's similar between a yellow bicycle and blue potatoes? They both have weight.

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Q: How many elephants can fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle? A: Four.

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How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

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A white man, a black man, a Mexican man and a Chinese man were on the same bus. The didn't socialize cuz that would count as racism

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I have a great knock knock joke. You start. Go.

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Whats worse than stubbing your toe? Sandy hook

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Why was girl happy on the day she found out she wasn't pregnant? -It was her birthday.

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wats green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill u? a pool table

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what did the bartender say to the customer? a. is it the first option b. is it the second option c. is it the third option.

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whats green and has wheels grass and i lied about the wheels

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whats the difference between a white jew and a black jew the black jew is treated poorly and is sent to the back of the gas chamber

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I had a submarine.... once

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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