Knock knock whose there? i have a warrant, i excpect you to come out peacefully with you hands behind you back

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It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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A bass player walks past a bar. What? It could happen.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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I like turtoes.

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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What's the difference between your mom and a toaster? A toaster won't period in your cereal bowl.

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Q: What happened to Michael Jackson yesterday? A: Nothing.

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thumbs up!

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What is pink and smells like green paint? Pink paint

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What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

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When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

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Q: What do you call a hillbilly with 12 girl friends? A: A shepherd.

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What's the difference between a duck A chair Vests have no sleeves

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Arrow to the Knee

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What type of cheese is not your cheese? The cheese that belongs to another person.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Why can't Michael Jackson drive? Because he's dead.

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A jew, a black man, a muslim, an atheist, a christian, a catholic, a roman, a russian, a cuban, an english man, a horse, a cow boy, a gay, a lesbian, a dancer, a teacher, a father, a mayor, a politician and a fish are in a bar. Now that's one crowded bar.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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What happens when you throw a red rock in a green pond? It sinks.

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A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a grocery store. As they walk past the meat section, the Priest stops, smiles, and turns to the Rabbi. "Feeling Hungry?" The Rabbi reaches down and picks up a pack of Koscher hotdogs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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