Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are finally spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinical depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

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What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of pain. Everywhere I touch it hurts, he tells the doctor. "The cancer has spread," the doctor says. "Go home and spend your last days with your loved ones."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! That is a joke which very few people would find even mildly entertaining.

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Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

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whats worse than getting beaten up by a bully? realizing your fly was down the whole time and getting beaten up by a bully

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What's orange and rhymes with parrot? Carrot

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What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

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Whats green and tasty? Snot

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A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple

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What do you call two Ethiopians standing side-by-side? Friends

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Q: Whats Faster than a bullet A: A Jew chasing coin

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what did the penguin say to the dodo bird. nothing because dodo birds have bin extinct for thousands of years and it is highly unlikely for a dodo bird to be saying anything to a penguin do to the fact they wouldn't be anywhere near each other and neither species can speak.

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Whats yellow and shaped like a banana? Bananas

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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