Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

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What's worse than dropping an ice cream cone? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping two ice cream cones.

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what did the Spanish priest say to the Ukranian gynocologist? *fart*

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Why did the fireman wear suspenders? To keep his pants up.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

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A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a lady....

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Why did the duck cross the road? To get cream cheese.

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Thomas Hobbes had a good life Actually he was born prematurely which caused his mother to die, and his alcohallic father left him at a young age to an abusive older brother sucks to suck Hobbes, at least you were smart

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a little boy told his friend he failed a test.. the friend replied that his parents r goin to kill him... to save himself the suffering ...the boy hung himself in his closet

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Q:What do you call a black man on the moon? A:A problem. Q:What do you call 100 black men on the moon? A:A problem. Q:What do you call the entire race of black people on the moon? A:A problem solved

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women sitting on a bench quietly. they have no ability to speak.

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What magical power enables Spongebob to talk? There is no magical power. he is a cartoon therefore making him be able to anything in anyone's wild dreams.

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What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

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what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

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what has legs but can't walk? a paraplegic

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How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

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A woman is about to buy a house and is faced with a difficult decision. She must choose which house she'll buy the next day. During the night she thinks about it and the next morning she has made a rational decision. What house did she choose ? TRICK QUESTION - Women can't make rational decisions.

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Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

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I hope you take your own wise words to heart Nero, how would you like to claim to be me and get our ship somewhat on land before it all goes to pieces? After all I have been claiming to be you for a long long time.

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A fish walks into a bad Fish dont walk

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a young mother calf named near reality was milking itself and selling it at pathmark everyday for high prices he got a lot of money out of it and bought a big mansion where he also had a farm and collected prize show cows to show off to all of his cow friends.... he also bought gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons of prize show cow milk to drink to and build up energy for the cow show race coming up in the near fall. Every sunset he buys loads of milk to drink and feed his plants with. He plants lots of grass every day to eat and produce high quality milk goods. He was a wii, ps3, and xbox360 to play everyday and excercise his udder milk.

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Chuck Norris can watch TV.

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What's black, white,and red all over? A crime scene where a black and white man were brutally murdered by a psychopath that is still on the loose and could be killing someone else.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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