How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face!

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How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? You find someone you trust and say "an elephant has been in my refrigerator".

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Why did the boy get hit by a wrecking ball? Because he picked up an upside down penny.

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How can you tell if someone is vegan? -they'll tell you

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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A fully grown cow walks into a man's house and says to him, "Hey, how have you been?" Traumatized by the vivid circumstances, the man falls to the floor and begins sobbing relentlessly until he passes out onto the floor from a violent mental breakdown.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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What did the policeman say to the black thief? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present.

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Once upon a time there was a small poor boy in a small German village. Her was name Smalls. Later he found out that he had to go back to Virginia because of their family then she got milk and went to the play that night like he was planning, and it was probably a problem with the clutch or transmission. It was fine because Smalls was 64 years old.

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What's faker than a rich mexican? A unicorn smoking weed

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A shocking example of the cruelty suffered by animals at hands of humanity.

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- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

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What is green fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I am a bitch, and so are you!

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy! But here's my switchblade Get in the trunk.

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Your face is hilarious.

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What came first... the chicken or the egg? How am I supposed to know?

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How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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when debbie meets downer

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Why was the guy with six fingers called John? His name was John.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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